Wednesday, January 16, 2008

My Happiness Wall

This is my happiness wall. Picture this wall on all three sides of me, blocking things as I walk, filtering bad things that might come through...

FriendsFamilythe Boating jobhaving no jobfree timestaying up latewalking
improvseeing late improv showshaving time to do things
stopping to smell the rosessleeping inbeing warmexercise
being able to write when I want toreading during the day
getting up and having a relaxed morning and making breakfast
cleaning the house on my termsbeing relaxed all the time

Of course..My happiness wall isn't as strong as I would like it because during the "building of the wall" I ran out of money and I was (and am) completely and utterly poor.

Recently I started a new full time job. Hooray! I have a job! I have money to pay my rent! Heck that should add to my Happiness wall. It SHOULD be the base of the wall! I'm not saying money and all the comforts it brings should be a base of a happiness wall. If anything, your "self" should be the base.

Your "self" being you. The "you" you aren't afraid of, the "you" you don't mind spending time with. That "you" should be the base of your happiness wall. But I digress...

Recently I started a new full time job. I hadn't realized I had been out of the "full time office job" column of life for 7 months. 7 MONTHS! Its a surprise that I didn't end up homeless. Thank you mom and dad.

This 7 Months is when I built my happiness wall, as I expect anyone would do if they didn't have to work. And when they did have to work it was doing a job that they loved. Its not uncommon. Most everyone would be happy if they didn't have to work...but I digress.

Recently I started a new full time job. I am reminded during this job of things that contributed to my "unhappiness" hammer, which liked to bash into my happiness wall from time to time. It isn't very big right now. Say...its like one of those hammers you buy with a tool box set when you are 18. Small.

There were several things I couldn't remember from my times at the "ol' office job" that will make this Unhappiness hammer bigger that it usually is.
the crazy co-workers (every office has them)
having to get up early (now this ain't Too bad, because i can get here at 8:30)
meetings and sitting all day (I can literally feel my spine collapsing on top of itself)

Intermingled with all of this, I started my job right when I started rehearsals for Amy Fisher. This means I cannot "relax", I cannot "go out with friends for happy hour", I cannot "have a home cooked meal" as many people do after work. My weekends are booked and I don't think I have free time until....April.

Of course I'm not complaining about that, and the rehearsals and plays and improv stuff I'm doing is actually adding to my Happiness wall, though they provide a little bit weaker "structure" to the wall than if they were happening when I wasn't having to go to a job.
You get me?

So all in all, if you find me stressed out or quiet or even a little bit angry, just know that its not about you. I'm probably just trying to rebuild my wall with "meditation" or as I like to call it "day dreaming". And I'm probably just angry with my job. And I'm probably pms'ing - THAT is a whole different story...

1 comment:

Dennis said...

Kudos Nazi gives you two!